When Relational Aggression Takes Over

This week let's talk about something that's often brushed under the rug - the problematic reality of relational aggression. This term refers to deliberate attempts by individuals or groups in the workplace to undermine the social relationships of their colleagues. Sadly, this behavior has become increasingly prevalent, manifesting as gossiping, isolation, creating unwanted nicknames, giving dirty looks, divulging secrets, and public humiliation.

You might already be scandalized to know that this behavior is widespread in the teaching profession as well. "Teachers getting aggressive with each other? But they're supposed to be nurturing role models!" Yes! It’s true and this issue is more pervasive than you'd expect.

Think about it. You have a profession dominated by women (76% of teachers are female), so you're naturally going to see higher rates of relational aggression. This isn't me bashing women at all - I'm simply referring to research that's consistently found that females tend to utilize more indirect and social forms of aggression from a young age (Salin, 2020; Osgood et al.,2021; Caillier, 2021).

Make no mistake, relational aggression can be just as impactful and scarring as physical aggression. I'm talking about insidious behaviors like social exclusion, malicious gossip and rumor-spreading, undermining others' credibility, or manipulating relationships as a means of retaliation. This doesn’t sound like the type of behavior you’d expect from grown adults, much less teachers, does it?

Now, it would obviously be ridiculous for me to claim that ALL teachers engage in relationally aggressive conduct. In fact, most educators I know are passionate professionals just trying to make a difference. But I'd also be burying my head in the sand if I didn't acknowledge how rampant these juvenile antics can become in certain school environments.

If you didn’t know, I am here to tell you that teaching is an inherently stressful job filled with long hours, frustrations with administration, and way too much work for inadequate pay. Imagine mixing these pressures with the school hierarchy and gender dynamics at play, it creates a volatile environment primed for relationally aggressive behavior to show you the underbelly of many workplaces.

Tell me if you haven't seen this. A couple teachers start getting cliquey and purposefully excluding that new girl because she's seen as a threat. Or at some point, someone’s class got priority use of resources and all of a sudden reputations start getting assassinated. Whatever the instigation, the end result is hurt feelings, low morale, and an unhealthy work culture that distracts from the core mission.

As someone who’s witnessed this first-hand. You know what’s sad about this whole thing? Students absolutely pick up on the interpersonal tensions dividing their teachers. So not only does relational aggression make the school a miserable place for staff, but it can negatively impact classroom dynamics too. I think we can all agree that this is not exactly ideal for fostering a nurturing learning environment, right?

Now, I'm obviously not trying to “bad talk” teachers. As I said, the vast majority are kind-hearted public servants just trying to make it through another school year. No, I'm spotlighting relational aggression because teachers, of all people, should be setting the example of how to treat others with respect and emotional maturity. Don’t you agree?

If the trusted adult figures to whom you’re entrusting your children's education can't even model healthy conflict resolution and communicate like professionals, what chance do those children have of learning those vital skills themselves? The teachers perpetuating such toxicity might need a little refresher on the virtues they're meant to be imparting. We can probably start with the code of conduct for teachers.

Once you’ve had any experience whatsoever in a workplace setting, you know that personalities will inevitably clash. But there's a miles-wide chasm between occasionally butting heads and systemic relational aggression creating a hostile environment. It's time we start collectively protesting the malicious, juvenile nonsense for what it is whenever those situations arise.

At the end of the day, everyone deserves to work in a setting of mutual respect where they can focus on the real priorities - shaping young minds and sparking that hunger for learning. Not reliving their own Secondary school drama in the staff room.

So let's start having more honest conversations about this. Staying quiet might preserve temporary harmony, but sweeping interpersonal toxicity under the rug only perpetuates the problem in the long run. Our students are watching - we owe it to them AND each other to set a better example.

Copyright © Lana. S. 2024